It's so odd...watching Episode III. Anakin: so like someone I once knew. It's amazing to believe that you can think you know someone.

Anakin starts out wanting to do good, wanting to help his wife and prevent her from dying. Then, before you know it, he's killing children to help her. It's true the he loves her so much, but he lets his fear get in the way of everything.

It's so scary what fear can do to a person...or maybe not even fear, but misplaced emotions. We may want something that is "good" in it's escence, but we have the wrong view of how to get it. I just want to ask why. Why would someone do something so increibly evil and by all definitions wrong to protect themselves or someone they cared about? Why would Anakin strangle Padme if he wanted to save her so much? Why would he hurt the one thing he cared about? Why would he claim to care about someone and then turn around and almost kill them? Why would he want to cause harm to the one person he wanted to spend his life with? Why would he say all the things he said to her and turn around and almost kill her? He seemed to feel bad aobut it, but she never knew that. She never knew what he was thinking. She never knew why the man she loved would kill younglings, why he could harm someone so innocent. She died still wondering why... still wanting to know what happened to the person she thought she knew... still thinking she was wrong about everything... still questioning her own judgement... still wanting to know what really happened...

It seems that all my friends are engaged and getting married. A guy I dated in high school was married last summer and he's already had his first aniversary as far as I know. My cousin is getting married in two weeks, my friend Chris has a baby on the way and he's engaged. My friend Karen is getting married in early July. Everyone's getting married and starting their lives. It's so strange. I can't believe they're all going to be changing their names and starting new lives. It's so crazy. Things do change. It's crazy and I can't make it to all the weddings, showers, etc. this summer because I'm going to be out of the country starting in July.

I finally finished "Till We Have Faces." It's a wonderful book with some awesome insights. I would suggest it to anyone looking for a book to read.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"The freshness and wetness all about me (I had seen nothing but drought and withered things for many months before my sickness) made me feel that I had misjudged the world; it seemed kind, and laughing, as if its heart also danced. Even my ugliness I could not quite believe in. Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight? It is as if, somewhere inside, within the hideous face and bony limbs, one is soft, fresh, lissom, and desireable." -- pg. 96

"Don't you think the things people are most ashamed of are the things they can't help?" -- pg. 111

"I had never seen men at their pleasures before: the gobbling, snatching, belching, hiccupping, the greasiness of it all, the bones thrown on the floor, the dogs quarreling under our feet." -- pg. 223-224

"You cannot escape Ungit by going to the deadlands, for she is there also. Die before you die. there is no chance after." -- pg. 279

"No man will love you, though you gave your life for him, unless you have a pretty face. So (might it not be?), the gods will not love you (however you try to pleasure them, and whatever you suffer) unless you have that beauty of soul. In either race, for the love of men or the love of a god, the winners and losers are marked out from birth. We bring our ugliness, in both kinds, with us into the world, with our destiny. How bitter this [is], every ill-favored woman will know. We have all had our dream of some other land, some other world, some other way of giving the prizes which would bring us in as the conquerers: leave the smooth, rounded limbs, and the little pink and white faces, and the hair like banished gold, far behind; their day ended, and ours come." -- pg. 282-283

"There was utter silence all around me. And now for the first time i knew what I had been doing. While i was reading, it had, once and again, seemed strange to me that the reading took so long; for the book was a small one. Now I knew that I had been reading it over and over - perhaps a dozen times. I would have read it forever, quick as i could, starting the first word against almost before the last was out of my mouth, if the judge had not stopped me. And the voice I read it in was strange to my ears. There was given to me a certainty that this, at last, was my real voice." -- pg. 292

"The complaint was the answer. To have heard myself making it was the answer." -- pg. 294

"I know not, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words. Long did I hate you, long did I fear you." -- pg. 308

There are so many questions...so many questions in life. I wish I had some answers.

This is from the movie called "
The Legend of 1900":

Take a piano. Keys begin. Keys end. You know there are 88 of them. Nobody can tell you any different. They are not infinite. You are infinite. And on those keys, the music that you can make is infinite. I like that. That, I can live by. But you get me up on that gangway and you roll in, out in front of me, a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end, and that's the truth, Max, that they never end. That keyboard is infinite. And if that keyboard is infinite then on that keyboard, there is no music you can play. You're sitting on the wrong bench. That's God's piano.
...
How do you do it down there? How do you choose just one? Just one woman? One house? One piece of land to call your own; one landscape to look at? One way to die? All that world just weighing down on you. And you don't even know where it comes to an end! And aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it? At the enormity of living it?
...
You played out your happiness, but on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way." -- 1900

If you have too much, you won't know what to do with it all.

Amazing movie...good music.

How Could This Happen to Me
by Simple Plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I want to start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can’t explain
What happened and I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

I Do
Pedro the Lion

and when his tiny head emerged from hair and folds of skin
i thought to myself if he only knew he would climb right back in
i do
now that my blushing bride has done what she was born to do
it's time to bury dreams and raise a son to live vicariously through
the sperm swims for the egg
the finger for the ring
if i could take one back
i know what it would be

How do you decide what to do? What would you do? Why? Which one would you take back?