Captivating by John Eldredge

Applicable quotes from the first 7 chapters.

"Every woman I've ever met feels it – something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying gut feeling at failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time.”

“We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought – that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside.”

“I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the heart of every little girl – and every woman. Yet most of us are ashamed of it. We downplay it. We pretend that it is less than it is.”

“Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone.”

“Most women do not feel they are playing an irreplaceable role in a great story. Oh, no. We struggle to know if we matter at all.”

“Most women hate their vulnerability. We are not inviting – we are guarded. Most of our energy is spent trying to hide our true selves, and control our worlds to have some sense of security.”

“Every woman knows now that she is not what she is meant to be. And fears that soon it will be known – if it hasn’t already been discovered – and that she will be abandoned. Left alone to die a death of the heart. That’s a woman’s worst fear – abandonment.”

“Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shem makes us feel, no, believe, that we do not measure up – not to the world’s standards, the church’s standards, or our own.”

“We don’t feel that we are irreplaceable, so we try and make ourselves useful. We don’t believe we are beautiful, so we work hard to be outwardly beautiful or we “let ourselves go” and hide behind a persona that has no allure. We try so hard, and in so many ways, to protect our hearts from further pain.”

“What is this thing [in most men] that just doesn’t want to go deep into a woman’s world? You are too much. To hard. It’s too much work. Men are simpler. Easier. And isn’t that just the message you’ve lived with all your life as a woman? “You’re too much, and not enough. You’re just not worth the effort.” (And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.)”

“Back off, or Leave her alone, or You don’t really want to go there – she’ll be too much for you is something Satan has set against every woman from birth. It’s the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, You are alone, or, When they see who you really are, you will be alone, or No one will ever truly come for you.”

“But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into his woman’s world, he won’t have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it. Most marriages (and long-term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. “I’m not coming any closer. This is as far as I’m willing to go. But, I won’t leave, and that ought to make you happy.” And so there is this sort of détente, a cordial agreement to live only so close.”

“Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to “keep it together.” So much energy devoted to suppressing pain and keeping a good appearance.”

“We all still need to know, Do you see me? Am I captivating? Di I have beauty all my own?”